The AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE is my follow-up book to FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING. So many Christian ladies wrote me saying they were so inspired to hold out for their “man-worth-keeping” yet they were frustrated at not only their previous lack of call backs for 2nd dates, but their scarce selection of first dates in the first place—been there, done that, conquered that! I have the answers and I put it down in detail in my latest book!
Q: Your new book offers a unique dating approach. Why focus so much on getting a 2nd date?
VICTORYA: If you can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon anytime soon. The sad thing is ladies who would really be great catches are just blowing it and scaring their dates away by making silly, careless mistakes on their first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on exes, talking about marriage, calling the guy before or after the first date. If they just tweak a few of their dating behaviors, they can transform their dating life without changing who they are! If these secrets become a habit, you can stop stressing about first dates and focus on your man and deciding if HE is the great catch and worth your time. When you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.
Q: You say every woman has an internal “Male GPS.” What is it and how do we use it?
VICTORYA: Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Our mind is inundated each and every day with so much information that so much passes us by. You just need to give it focus because your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! When you think about something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.
The key to finding your next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.
Q: What are some definite “Do’s” to keep in mind on first dates?
V: Here are my five top “Do’s”: 1) Look your best, 2) Put your best self forward, 3) laugh with him, 4) flatter him, look at him, and especially 6) listen to him. I always recommend asking your date a lot of questions about him then truly listening to his answers. He is his own favorite subject, so he’ll be sure to have a great time and besides you WANT the information he reveals so you can figure out if you two are a match long before you are emotionally involved.
Q: In AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE you firmly say your guy should pay for the first date. Can you or should you pay for any part of it?
VICTORYA: If you pay for your 1st date, you’ve established that you are just buddies or that he doesn’t have to pursue or pamper you. So don’t pay for any part of the first date. If a relationship progresses there will be plenty of time to occasionally treat him or to pitch in for part of your time together. Your goal on the first few dates is to let him impress you!
Q: What would you say to someone who went on a date, thought everything was perfect, yet never received a call back for a second date?
VICTORYA: If you haven’t heard back from your date within a couple of weeks, even if you were convinced it went wonderfully, think back about that evening. Did you really have anything in common? Did you talk too much about yourself? Did you “go too far” physically to the extent that you felt a little guilty the next day? Did you act too needy, too pushy, too bossy, too snotty or too boring? If any of this is the case, your date may have been scared away and wouldn’t tell you even if you asked. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though; just let it go. It was only one date and if he’s gone, that person wasn’t meant for you. At least by reviewing it honestly in your mind, you may be able to learn what to do on your next first date.
Q: Why should you never ask your man out for Valentine’s Day?
VICTORYA: Valentine’s Day is traditionally the most romantic day of the year, but it is so specifically for your MAN to make it romantic FOR you, not by you. Let him do the asking or let the day pass without a date! Besides, so many men propose on that date, don’t ruin his surprising special moment by making the plans yourself or having expectations that may only lead to disappointment. Relax, let the day arrive and if you have a date, hold back on expectations and just enjoy your man’s company!
Q: Victorya, where can our audience get your book as well as more dating tips?
VICTORYA: My website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Your audience can visit me there and/or buy my books. Check it out-- it’s www.mantokeep.com. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date
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